Bayou Blogs

She seems to REALLY like her beer, she’s pretty hot and she’s already (apparently) drunk. That’s MY kinda babe right there!

Alright, before anybody freaks out, the above paragraph is crude and shallow. If it offends you, go ahead and have another beer!

Okay, yeah. We’ve heard it before, and I think maybe most of us are tired of the band that cried wolf. But there’s something about this announcement about an upcoming announcement that has my attention: David Coverdale.

In addition to being the singer for Whitesnake, Coverdale has also recorded and toured with Led Zep’s Jimmy Page. The fact that they have a relationship adds some amount of credibility. Also, the fact that Page, John Paul JonesJason Bonham and all have expressed a passionate desire to tour leads me to a theory. It’s out the box, but not beyond the realm of possibility. Hear me out, okay?

To date, the big sticking point in a full blown Zeppelin tour has been Robert Plant. What if the rest of the band decided to hit the road WITHOUT Plant? What if they’ve decided they can pull this off with Coverdale as their singer? I definitely think he has the range to pull it off, and with that much money at stake, (In U.S. dollars it’s around $489 million, with about $20 million apiece for the band members), it would just be ignorant NOT to do the tour.

Bet your ass I’ve got my ear to the grindstone on this one!

Any thoughts?

Lindsay Lohan warned Ashley Olsen to “get away” from her “girlfriend” — celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson — on Friday night, the New York Post’s Page Six gossip column reported.

First my crush on Joan Jett is crushed, now this. Dammit, what’s a fella to do?

OK, not like I personally ever had a chance of a horizontal - or even vertical encounter - with Lindsay, but this could cause a serious disruption of any man’s fantasy life (or, could theoretically enhance it, should the proper visual confirmations make their way onto the interweb).

There’s something more important to news like this: there’s more important, actual, news. The economy, the presidential campaign, the war. A media blitz of every aspect of these chick’s (Lohan, Hilton, Spears, etc., et al) lives is fluff. In the big scheme of things it DOESN’T EFFING MATTER! Still these types of stories seem to rise to the top, and undermine the stuff we should really be concerned with.

That said, I’m not at all opposed to seeing the “intimate” pictorial evidence of Ms. Lohan’s conversion.

Sure, opposable thumbs are cool, but with them comes a crapload of responsibility, and I could do without that - even for just a little while. If you really stop and think about it dogs have it made. Seriously! Let’s look at the facts…

Their job is to sleep, they are fed by their humans, they can…uh, “go” wherever - no need for a toilet, they don’t pay bills or taxes…the list goes on. As if that weren’t enough, imagine walkin’ up to some fine chick on the street, and jumping her on the spot. For humans, that’s rape; for dogs that’s casual sex (the only downside here is if a human turns the hose on you, but having been human in this life, I’d look at it as sex in the shower when I’m a dog).

The one thing that really screw up being a dog is the human(s) you get stuck with. Let’s face it, if I’m pooch I’m hoping for Paris Hilton over Michael Vick. Still, a dog’s life is something I think would be cool. How about you?

My short attention span is legendary, so last night I was doing the channel flipping channel thing on the tube, and stumbled upon the CMT Music Awards (that’d be country music, pardner!) - which I would normally blow past like a turbo-charged ‘71 Road Runner at a yellow light. But I had to be sure that I REALLY saw what I thought I saw. Rapper Snoop Dogg, in a cowboy hat, on the friggin’ COUNTRY music awards show! WTF? Better yet, WT-effin’-F?

This is a scene that - to me, anyway - is more unlikely than the 1st Mrs. Mitch being able to sucessfully boil water! And what makes it more scary is that Snoop was talking backstage about his new COUNTRY song! Eddie Money I can understand, but SNOOP DOGG? What next?  Deep Purple does a gansta rap album?

This has me a little freaked out. I think I need a  or twelve…

Back in the day, when cargo pants were “fresh”, I effin’ hated ‘em. Wouldn’t be caught dead wearing them. Now that I’m (theoretically) “all grown up”, I’ve developed an affection for them that borders on a fetish. In fact, I went out and bought six pair of Lee Wyoming Cargo Chinos so that I could wear them to work each day, with one pair to spare (forgive the unintentional poetry!).

So WTF is so cool about these? Space, my brother from another mother! Cell phone, BlackBerry, wallet, comb, check book, billfold, condoms - everything the well equipped man could want! The only drawback I see is remembering what is in what pocket. Oh, and did I mention that they are comfortable as hell? Yeah, they are.

OK, so I’m blogging about pants - friggin’ PANTS! Deal with it, and let me know when you’ve got your cargo pants…maybe we can have PantsFest or somethin’. Just sayin’!

Anybody who knows me will tell you that I consider a medium rare steak, or jumbo assed cheeseburger to be the next best thing to sex, but this seems to be taking a good thing too far: Meat Water. No joke. Meat Water comes in flavors like beef jerky, cheeseburger, dirty hot dog and a bunch of others. The concept makes me lose my appetite.

According to the Meat Water folks:

“Walk, don’t run and brush your teeth before you go to bed. By drinking Meatwater you can cut down on exercising and eating time, and have more time to enjoy yourself.”

To me part of the reason I eat is because it’s enjoyable. I don’t want my dinner to come from a bottle…well, unless it’s bourbon!

What’s your take?

Pretty much says it all, doncha think?

 “Chartreuse is a French liqueur composed of distilled alcohol flavored with 130 herbal extracts. The liqueur is named after the Grande Chartreuse monastery where it was formerly produced, located in the Chartreuse Mountains. The liquor is nowadays produced in a factory in the nearby town of Voiron under the supervision of monks from the monastery.”

Yeah, well lemme clue y’all in.

I was introduced to Chartreuse on New Year’s Eve by my buddy the Pizza Man, who holds court in the Warehouse District. He bought me an unshaken shot of it at some bar in the French Quarters, (what? You expect me to remember exactly where?!?), but failed to warn me that you don’t want to actually shoot it. Oops.

Within five minutes I could actually hear the circuits in the ol’ bean that control motor function shutting down. Ripped? Faced? Effed up beyond all recognition? Uh huh. All of the above. Dammit, one minute I was standing and the next I was counting stars.

Since then I’ve learned to enjoy the ‘treuse in moderation. Does it taste like ass on a stick? Yup! But it’s definitely the short road to lightening the burden of reality. Try some. Just make sure to get it chilled and shaken. Oh, and whatever you do, make sure you’re traveling by cab! Only dumbasses drink and drive. Just sayin’!

Thanks for listening, and keep rockin’!!!!

Jimmy Page believes that the band is right for a tour, but it won’t happen until at least September, which is the earliest that singer Robert Plant would be available. Plant is kicking off a world tour with bluegrass singer Alison Krauss, (the two will be performing at Jazzfest), to promote their album Raising Sand.

Read the whole story on MSNBC.com