Bayou Blogs

I have only peed my pants twice in my life. Except of course for my first 9 months on earth. Yup, I was walking and potty trained by 9 months. I spoke and said full sentences by 6 months. Always in a rush. Me. I was so abnormal that back then when starting first grade, they didn’t know what to do with me. So they put me in a ’special’ class in first grade. Not special for smart kids, special for slow kids with learning disabilities. I lasted in that class for 2 weeks until an expert finally realized I didn’t belong there. My older brother to this day still makes a comment about those few weeks of my early child hood. Out of the blue he will say-”remember that time you were retarded?”. Back to peeing- I peed the very first time I ever bungeed jumped at the age of 19. I did it live on the radio and back then we had no ‘delay’ button. That is the magic button you hit and magically any and all swear words go away when doing anything live on the radio. My boss at the time told me to please please please do not say the eff word! Anything else he would let fly. But not the eff word. Being young and a smart ass I told him no prob, I got it, I’m a professional. I’m at the ledge, the mic is strapped to me and here I go bungee jumping for the first time on live radio. I lept off and sure enough, I peed my pants. And the first thing out of my mouth was- “I effin just peed my pants!” I figured I wouldn’t get in trouble as I used the eff word as an adjective not a verb. That didn’t defense didn’t fly. It was the 80’s so all was forgiven. If that happened today for sure I would have been fired. (sidebar-that is the one and last time I have ever cursed on air in over 20 yrs fyi) The second time I peed my pants as an adult was when I was at my friends lake house. I was passed out in the hammock in my bikini. Resting in the sun after a long day of swimming, tubing, tequila and sunshine. I was so relaxed from the lake air and sun and the sound of the water crashing against the dock that I slipped and let it flow right there in the hammock. I was so chill that I didn’t even get up right away! Finally I ran to the dock and jumped in the lake. I blamed the dog on peeing in the hammock. Told everyone it was Molly the dog not me! Everyone bought it. (see above about tequila) And now I fear I will pee my pants for the 3rd time in my adult life when I open for comedian Lisa Lampanelli this Sat. night Sept 19. I just don’t think I will be able to handle any boo-ing or heckling as I am not a comedian. I am just Kat. I am not going to prepare. I am just gonna wing it. As long as the audience is kind all will be good. I will not drink any liquids of any kind for a solid 48 hrs before. I have no pants that diapers would fit under. Immediatley after, tequila and yager will join me back stage. And then a nice long trip to the ladies room.

(photo used under creative commons lisence)