This journey of grief sucks in every way it possbly can. Just when I think I’m ‘cured’ something hits me for no reason and I lose my sh*t. Will it ever be over? How can I have anymore tears left? I hate to dwell. And I apprecaite you letting me vent periodically since the great sadness started when my boyfriend passed away on July 3rd. I still look at his obituary on line. It has long since been ‘archived’. But I find it and I still read it. I have signed the guest book way to many times and I go to his grave too often as well. There I feel it is just he and I and no interuptions. Even though he isn’t really there. I hope anyways. A smart man once told me that death is easier for the dead than it is for the ones who grieve them. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep for 3 to 6 months. Maybe like that movie ‘Flatliners’ where they get real close to death and heaven and can chill in that state for awhile and come back. I want to do that. Just go up there and see him for a little while and come back. That’s not real though, is it? Grief makes your realm of reality a little off kilter. I miss him. And I miss and mourn a future I never had.
Thanks again workforce. Yall are my shrinks.
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Kat, I pray for you in your time of loss and mourning. I lost a child, but it is in no way the same as what you are feeling. Some say, “You’ll get over it.” Some say, “Time will heal.” But it doesn’t. After thirteen years, I still mourn, I still think about, I still love. You can only continue to do the same and keep on living. When you live, you make damn sure that your boyfriend will continue to do so. He lives on in you, as does my child in me. Stay strong, Kat! You are an inspiration to all who have lost someone and have to move on.
Comment by Gabriel — September 11, 2009 @ 6:35 am