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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Swine Flu, anyone???

Before you drop your life savings into one of those vacuum-sealed bubbles to escape the new Black Plague…let me drop a little information on you.  Swine Flu ain’t new.  It came knocking on the door back in 1976, and look!  We survived!  The government, always ready with a healthy dose of fear inducing saber-rattling, put out this PSA telling everyone to get their shot.

Enjoy some Swine Flu propaganda from 1976:

You can read all about it and the controversial steps then-President Gerald Ford took to stamp it out here.

And if you want to track swine flu cases in more or less real time, someone went and set up a custom Google Map just for you

posted by Gonzo at 7:50 pm  

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

JazzFest Weekend 2!

Here we are with JazzFest 09 weekend 2 coming up! Will the weather be as awesome as 1st weekend??! Neil Young and Bon Jovi are sure to deliver great performances rain or shine. And if you are lucky enough to hang in the Miller Lite VIP Tent, life is good! A reminder of the most important things to remember at JazzFest-

If you’re bringing the kids and you are using a stroller, this is the best place to hide the vodka!

Fanny packs are NEVER EVER acceptable to wear anywhere ever!

No wearing white from the waiste down at Fest either. Just all bad things waiting to happen right there

Your diet at Fest should consist of water and Miller Lites. And sunscreen for your skin

New to worry about at Fest this year- Swine Virus! Wear your surgical mask when entering a porta-potty


(photo used under creative commons license)

posted by Kat at 12:02 pm  

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Swine Virus

Protect yourself by drinking lots of tequila! My Mexican friend who is an expert on the Swine situation said that is the only way the human race will survive. Make sure you eat the worm. Stay away from the donkey shows and don’t kiss any pigs.

posted by Kat at 2:10 pm  

Monday, April 27, 2009

And Then There Were Two

Saturday, April 26th, 2009.  A day that shall live in infamy for TV sit-com junkies.  Maude has left the building.
Bea Arthur –  who rose to fame as Archie Bunker’s loud mouthed, liberal cousin Maude Finley in “All In The Family”; later reprised the character in “Maude”; and was best known as Dorthy in “The Golden Girls” – took the big dirt nap Saturday…this a disaterous TV tragedy for four reasons:

1) Golden Girls was one greatest shows on TV…ever.  Just watch the show.  Flawless.

2) Without the Golden Girls, we may not have ever heard of Quentin Tarantino or George Clooney.  Some of their first appearances were on the GG.

3) The show was damn funny:

Dorothy: Why can’t you sleep on the couch and give Clayton and Doug your room?
Blanche: Are you crazy, what will the neighbors think if they see two men in my bedroom?
Sophia: They’ll think it’s Tuesday.

4) …With Bea gone, now who will casting agents get to fill all those parts for old, Lurch-like, deep voiced women????   Waitaminute! Waitaminute!!  What about Susan Boyle?!?!?!?

She’s got the look…and she comes with a bonus!!  She can sing her a@@ off!

Just kidding…seriously, no one could ever replace Bea!  She may be gone, but she leaves behind a legacy of truly groundbreaking, funny sh@@.  May she R.I.P.

posted by Gonzo at 3:18 pm  

Monday, April 27, 2009

Home invasion victim, ME!

Saturday morning around 3am while I was sleeping, someone (lets just call him cracky) broke into my apartment and stole my bicycle. It doesn’t take much for me to feel happy and thankful. It’s the simple things. I had paid all my bills and had money left over. The weather was perfect for a great JazzFest, 2 of my best friends celebrated birthdays this weekend, another friend got married, me and the old man were happy, no zits on my face, my boss wasn’t annoying me as much, I was feeling like life was good! I Went to sleep Friday night very happy. And then it happened. I thank god that my boyfriend and his 2 dogs were with me. If they weren’t, I really don’t know what would have happened and I do not even want to think about that. The dogs barking woke us up. Very much startled we jumped up and saw my front door wide open. We ran out to the courtyard and there was cracky riding my bike away into the darkness. I don’t care about the bike so much. And he took nothing else. I have nothing else nice for a thief to take anyways. He was probably bumming about that. And I’m sure the dogs scared him off. What is creepy is that a stranger broke into my home!!! WTF??? We immediatly called 911. My bf wanted to go chase him and kill him but I told him not too as we didn’t know if he had a weapon or a gang of thugs with him. While we waited for the cops to arrive, here’s the kicker, the thug came back!!!!?? We were leaning against the front door and he came back and tried to kick the door in!! Was he mad the bike was a piece of shit?? And did I mention me and the bf were naked? At this point I just strated screaming as loud as I could and my bf called 911 again. When I tell you I screamed, it was a constant SCREAM of help help break in help break in!! The 911 operator heard me. My screams scared the thug off again and I woke up my entire building. It really didn’t take the cops long to get there. It only seemed like a long time but it was probably about 10 to 15 minutes. All my neighbors came running outside in the courtyard holding knives, baseball bats, some had guns. My bf and another neighbor chased the thug. (my bf had grabbed some clothes and put them on. My clothes he randomly found on the floor. I remind you we were naked before this and lets just say not every part of my bf’s body was sleeping. My sweatpants were too tight on him and you could tell what body part had been up) They chased him around the building and watched him scale a wall and jump on an adjacent buildings roof. I think he thought he was spider man. My bf and my nieghbor tried to talk cracky down. (the body part had since gone to sleep) At this point they figured out this dude was more than likely effed up on drugs. He had no shirt on and was missing a shoe. Talking but not really making any sense. Cracky roof hopper said he wasn’t coming down. He then tried to open windows up there. There were 2. One was locked. One he opened. Only to find a gun pointed right in his face. The person who lived there heard everything and was ready. When cracky opened the dudes window and a gun was right there in his face, cracky raised his hands and said-“hey dude, it’s just me”. Me? me as in just me trying to rob you? Gun guy yelled-“who the eff are you son?!!”  And then gun guy barreled out of window got cracky to lay on his belly and kept his gun pointed at him. Everyone in my building watched the whole thing as we were right there on the otherside of the fence that separates the 2. Cracky was yelling not making sense and thats when gun guy dropped a bomb. He said- “son, I’m a police officer”. Cracky tried to break into an off duty cops house!!! And I’m happy I have a cop for a neighbor! He’s a big dude too! When the cops arrived, off duty gun cop explained the situation to the on duty cops and then they proceeded to get cracky off the roof. One of the cops told him “you got yourself up there, now get yourself down or you have 2 minutes before we taze you son”. One of my neighbors yelled out “don’t taze me bro”. Yes he did. We were all thinking it and even the cops laughed. No one was hurt even cracky was fine. Except for you know, the crack. Nothing else was stolen from anyone else. Just my bike. Never recovered. We looked. Cracky couldn’t have dumped it too far away. But we never found it. Could be in the canal. Cracky said he knew nothing about any bicycle. The cops said that cracky doesn’t even know his name or where he is or how he got here. I’m kinda skittish about the whole thing but realize it could have been a whole lot worse. My neighbors and I then hung out for awhile after the whole ordeal was over. Vodka and beer and snacks does a home invasion good. We all slept very late the next morning. I’m bikeless now but lucky. It’s a purple girly bike with a pink and white basket. Incase you see it.

posted by Kat at 11:57 am  

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Isn’t it ironic?

Air Force One tilting with windmills
Is it just me, or did anyone else find it ironic that President Obama flew to the Mid-West to promote Earth Day… on his private 747!!! Someone put in a call to Al Gore and see what the carbon footprint is for that beast! At one of his Earth Day appearances, The Pres said he wants the U.S. to be like Denmark – which gets 20 percent of it’s energy from wind turbines. He’s the freakin’ President – he probably has a staff of hundreds to fact check for him before he opens his mouth…maybe one of those staffers coulda clipped this article for him:

I realize that the guy is still new to the job, and we should give him our support until we really see what he’s capable of…but, with that line of reasoning, it’s only a matter of time before he comes up with a brilliant solution for the levee problem here in New Orleans – another idea borrowed from the Dutch – just put your finger in the hole…

(photos used under creative commons license)

posted by Gonzo at 4:08 pm  

Thursday, April 23, 2009

JazzFest 09! Weekend 1!

We’ve been celebrating all things Jazzfest this week! Giving you helpful Fest tips, acceptable Fest behavior, the best Fest food and chances at free tickets! (we’ll have em for weekend #2 as well!) The weather is almost too good to believe isn’t it? I don’t want to jinx it but it has rained on opening day for several years in a row. I remember the mud river of ’03. The mud slide of ’07 and the mud-eff-it-it-looks-like-everyone-pooped-their-pants-cuz-your-butt-has-mud-splats-on-it of ’06. How about that dirt rain? I think that happened in ’05. It was soooo windy that year and the dirt just blew everywhere and stuck to everyone. We needed heavy pore cleaning after that Fest! Here’s a few quick reminders before you get weekend 1 on-

A fanny pack is NOT an acceptable JazzFest accessory. Please, no!

Don’t be a back-pack-dooshbag and lug a huge 50 pound pack everywhere you go and hit everyone in your path with it! What the hell is IN that damn thing anyways???

Even if yer bringing the kids, see above. Put all kid stuff in the stroller. (and the vodka in the diapers!…kidding)

Don’t bitch cuz things start late or early or just not on time. You in the big easy! DA!

Sun screan, water, Miller Lites, and stay with the group!

Here’s to a spectacular weekend 1 of JazzFest ’09!

(pic used under creative commons license)

posted by Kat at 11:00 am  

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

JazzFest Tips

JazzFest 09 kicks off this weekend. We here on the Bayou want you to have the best fest ever! Make sure you keep listening for your Jazzfest Miller Lite Passes! And your shot at Best Seats at Fest for Neil Young! This week we’ll go over fest food, the importance of water, the lameness of fanny-packs, why a bra is optional and many other helpful hints so your JazzFest rocks! We already covered the yucky porta-potty JazzFest tips. Let’s move on to your feet (also yucky) I hope you’ve already eaten.

Do not for even a moment consider wearing anything ‘dressy’ on your tootsies at Fest! Why do some people insist on ‘dressing up’ for fest??? Heals?? seriously? cowboy boots?? unaccepatable. (don’t get me started on crocs)

Flip flops or tennis shoes. And thats it. Or barefoot.

Don’t forget to put sunscreen inbetween yer toes and the top of your feet. This is an area that everyone forgets to screen up

Chop those long toe-nails before you go to Fest and get the full on pedi-cure AFTER Fest

No need to put any toe rings on. That’s not even cute.

Dudes, get yerself comfy flip flops and maybe take care of those long hairs on your toes

Comfort and lite-weight is key for your feet at Jazzfest.

More tips coming all week. After Jazzfest, please leave the lady who does your pedi-cure a bigger tip than usual. She’ll deserve it!

Happy Festing!

posted by Kat at 4:44 pm  

Monday, April 20, 2009

I demand a recount!!!

For more than 20 years, Playboy’s list of top party schools has fueled debate on campuses across the country. And while most universities would rather not be known as a “party school,” most universities would also welcome the piles of applications that come as a result of the exposure. It’s a classic “Catch 22.” In any event, let the debates rage anew as we present Playboy’s Top Party Schools for 2009:

10. West Virginia University
9. University of Iowa
8. Louisiana State University
7. University of Georgia
6. University of Wisconsin
5. University of Arizona
4. University of Florida
3. San Diego State University
2. University of Texas at Austin
1. University of Miami

University of Wisconson???? University of Arizona???? You’re kidding, right? Geaux Tigers!!

posted by Gonzo at 3:59 pm  

Monday, April 20, 2009

JazzFest 2009!

It’s Jazzfest week on the Bayou! Listen to win your tickets and your Vip passes in the Miller Lite VIP Tent!  With an incredible line up, great food and the promise of good weather, what could go wrong? Lots! So this week, we want to give you Jazzfest Tips for a great Fest 09! Lets get the yuckyness outta the way first. With that, we will start with your porta potty tips.

1. Never ever, no matter what, hold anything for the person standing in front of you in line for the porta potty. If you are a dude and a cute chick turns around and says-will you just hold my (blank) while I run into the porta potty-politely say NO. Otherwise you are stuck. Inevitably you will lose track of that person and then you are stuck holding thier (blank) for the rest of the fest.

2. Never go to the porta potty alone

3. Gals- bring extra wipeys and or tissue

4. Dudes- speed it up in there will ya! Let the ladies take their time! And please don’t you know what in there!

5. Be quick and kind when waiting in line. Obviously everyone waiting is in the same situation. Your pee isn’t better than someone elses pee.

6. Liquids are key at the fest. Knowing that and knowing lots of liquids means lots of trips to the porta, pace yourself.

7. Wait a few minutes after exiting the porta to continue drinking. Re-group, re-fresh, and then get back to your liquid. Spending time in the porta can be traumatic for some people. Get a fesh head before you go back to enjoying yourself.

And lastly, wash as best you can after your porta trip. You’ll feel better about doing what you have just done.

More tips all week for Fest 09! happy Festing!

posted by Kat at 10:11 am  
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