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Monday, November 24, 2008

Turkey Holiday Tips

Happy Thanksgiving Workforce! A few helpful tips to celebrate the holiday-

It is NEVER ok to eat the dark meat

Never mix different colored wine no matter what kind of box it comes in

It IS ok to mix different pies

Sitting at the kids table is way better then sitting with the adults!

Your Uncle/Aunt/In-law/Cousin, the relative you can’t stand, will for sure do something to annoy  you so be prepared. Maybe slip a happy pill in their drink or let the air out of their tire so they have to leave the house and fix it.

You will fall asleep and snore and make bodily noises without knowing it

A child will cry, an adult will get drunk, and relatives will argue. That is what it’s all about!

Politics and turkey don’t mix

It is ok to have your first plate of leftovers 1 hour after the meal

Carbs are your friend this weekend

Most of all, be thankful! Someone is definitly worse of then you and has way worse relatives!

Happy Gobble Gobble!

(posted by KAT)

posted by Kat at 3:05 pm  

Thursday, November 20, 2008

How has your life changed in 15 years?

It’s been nearly 15 years since the release of the last Guns ‘N’ Roses album, The Spagetti Incident (and I’d really rather forget that one, if you don’t mind…).  Finally, on Sunday, we’ll actually have a new G ‘N’ R album when Chinese Democracy hits the streets (well, hits Best Buy stores, anyway).  To put this event in context…a list of a few things that have happened since Axl last graced us with his creative genius:

23/11/93 On the day that The Spaghetti Incident is released, Miley Cyrus celebrates her first birthday. Little did she know…

21/1/94 Lorena Bobbitt is found not guilty of cutting her husband’s winky off, despite the fact that she did it. Bitch.

5/4/94 Kurt Cobain commits suicide at the age of 27. It had nothing to do with Chinese Democracy. I don’t think.

10/5/94 Nelson Mandela becomes South Africa’s first black president, paving the way for a meeting with the Spice Girls. 27 years in prison obviously wasn’t punishment enough.

30/8/94 Oasis release their debut album Definitely Maybe. Hiding comfortably under the rock of obscurity with Blur.

3/9/94 Russia and the People’s Republic of China sign an agreement to stop targeting their nuclear weapons against each other. “Oh, s@*&!,” thinks the United States.

23/9/94 Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction premieres in the US.

27/3/95 Tom Hanks wins the Best Actor Oscar for Forrest Gump, despite the fact that all he does is talk a bit slow wearing a funny suit.

3/9/95 eBay is founded. Copies of The Spaghetti Incident are traded for as little as $2 a piece.

3/10/95 OJ Simpson is found not guilty of the murder of his wife and one of her gentlemen “friends”.

29/1/96 French president Jacques Chirac announces an end to French nuclear testing. Someone must have threatened them.

28/2/96 Alanis Morissette wins a Grammy Award for her album Jagged Little Pill. Ah, truly those were different times.

25/3/96 Braveheart wins Best Picture at the Oscars.

8/7/96 The Spice Girls release their debut single, Wannabe, revealing that all they really want is a zig-a-zig-aah. But then don’t we all?  1st sign of the Apocalypse.

18/11/96 Bird expert Tony Silva is sentenced to seven years in prison for his part in an illegal parrot smuggling ring. No, I’m not making this up.

22/2/97 Scientists announce the successful cloning of a sheep called Dolly. They have yet to clone Megan Fox, so what’s the point?.

2/5/97 Tony Blair is voted into office, on account of the fact that he just seems like a really nice man.

11/5/97 A computer beats Garry Kasparov at chess. Hal 9000, anyone?

26/6/97 Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone hits the shelves.

31/8/97 Princess Diana dies following a car crash in Paris.

22/11/97 Singer Michael Hutchence dies of…natural causes. Yeah, that’s it…natural causes.

17/1/98 Bill Clinton is accused of sexual harassment.

23/3/98 Titanic wins a record 11 Oscars, despite the fact it’s crap.

7/4/98 George Michael is arrested for lewd conduct following some naughty behavior in an rest-stop bathroom.  The guy’s a millionaire  and he’s playing footsie in a glorified porta-pottie.  And we thought Michael Jackson was nuts.

19/8/98 Bill Clinton admits to an “improper physical relationship” with Monica Lewinsky. In other words, she b**w him.

4/9/98 The search engine Google is founded, affording journalists the world over the opportunity to never do any work again.

23/10/98 Britney Spears releases Baby One More Time. 2nd sign of the Apocalypse.

1/3/99 Geffen Records’ deadline for the early release of Chinese Democracy, which would have netted Axl Rose a $1m bonus, passes.

17/3/99 Rod Hull dies. You know, the guy with that stupid emu puppet. Am I the only one that remembers this guy?  Whatever.

20/4/99 Marilyn Manson orchestrates the Columbine High School massacre. O.K. Not really. But you know he was involved somehow…

4/7/99 Soccer star/douche-bag David Beckham and Victoria Adams from the Spice Girls marry in a big castle. 3rd sign of the Apocalypse.

11/8/99 A total solar eclipse occurs. Everyone goes, “Ooooh!”

1/1/00 The 21st century begins, unless you’re one of those pedantic twerps who points out that it doesn’t actually start until 2001.

2/1/00 People finally stop using the phrase “Y2K”.

17/2/00 Windows 2000 is out.

31/12/00 The Millenium Dome closes. A nation weeps. Wait…it’s not closed. Led Zeppelin played there in 2007. Damned English can’t make up their minds.

1/1/01 “Right, NOW it’s the 21st century,” say pedantic twerps.

1/1/01 Guns N’Roses play a gig at the Chicago House Of Blues, their first live concert in seven years.

15/1/01 Wikipedia, without which this blog simply wouldn’t exist, is launched.

20/1/01 George W Bush becomes president of US. “Is this some kind of joke?” asks rest of the world.

25/3/01 Gladiator wins the Best Picture Oscar.  Leslie Nielson cackles with glee.

2/7/01 World’s first artificial heart implanted in a human being. Aren’t we clever? Still no Megan Fox clone. Where are our priorities?

11/9/01 I had something written down for this one, but I’ve forgotten what it was.

15/2/02 The Britney Spears movie Crossroads is released. It’s crap. What? You expected Casablanca? 4th sign of the Apocalypse.

30/3/02 The Queen Mother dies at the age of 101.

2/10/02 A sniper randomly shoots members of the public in Maryland.  Did you know he was from Baton Rouge? BR is getting quite a reputation for serial killers.  Is that a major at LSU?

22/12/02 Joe Strummer of the Clash dies.

1/2/03 The Columbia space shuttle explodes on re-entry to the earth’s atmosphere, killing seven

23/3/03 Chicago wins Best Picture at the Oscars. WTF???

2/6/03 The largest hailstone ever recorded lands in Nebraska.

20/8/2003 MySpace is launched. Since then, you have wasted approximately 1.79 years of your life stalking your “friends”.

18/11/03 George W Bush visits London, and finds it less than friendly.

20/11/03 Michael Jackson is arrested on charges of child molestation. Did he do it? Probably? Will he get away with it? I’m betting he does. That’s coming up later…no skipping ahead!!

4/2/04 The website Facebook is launched, affording co-workers the world over the opportunity to send each other virtual rubber chickens.

29/2/04 The Return of the King wins 11 Oscars, which means it’s officially as good as Titanic. Which was crap.

8/6/04 Velvet Revolver, featuring ex-Gunners Slash and Duff McKagan, release debut album

2/11/04 Eleven US states ban gay marriage. The other 39 had the day off for President’s Day.

15/2/05 YouTube goes online. Now everyone gets 15 seconds to 4:39 of fame….

13/6/05 Michael Jackson acquitted of all charges. See, I told you.

20/1/06 The first High School Musical is released. 5th sign of the Apocalypse.

5/5/06 Axl Rose appears on radio and states with absolute authority that Chinese Democracy will definitely be released this year.  Oops!

15/7/06 Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole get married. Another crappy English singer and another annoying soccer player. Bizarrely, they don’t do it in a castle. Doesn’t count as a sign of the Apocalypse since nobody knows who the hell they are.  Except those British twits.  And we never pay attention to them anyway.

14/12/06 Axl Rose announces to fans that all these gigs they are playing are delaying the release of Chinese Democracy.  So…that’s  the reason!   At least now we know.

17/2/07 Britney Spears shaves her own hair off in a beauty parlour. “She got a little bit teary-eyed,” notes the proprietor, astutely. Further proof that she is, indeed, insane.  Like we needed more proof.

6/3/07 The slated release date of Chinese Democracy passes without any sign of any product.

29/3/07 Rihanna releases the single Umbrella in the US. No Guns N’Roses fans buy it. Except that one guy in Pascagoula. There’s always that one…

18/5/07 Singer Amy Winehouse marries enabling narcotic leech Blake Fielder-Civil.  He soon goes to prison, and her  meteoric rise to the gutter begins.

17/8/07 High School Musical 2 is released. It is, to the naked eye, very similar to the original. Who’s watches this dreck anyway? And don’t blame it on your kids…Do sequels count as signs of the Apocalypse?  I’ll defer on this one…

9/9/07 Britney Spears performs Gimme More at the MTV Video Music Awards. With a wig on.  Thankfully.  A mumu would have been nice, too…

29/4/08 Mel B announces that the Spice Girls will regretfully not reform for Mandela’s 90th birthday. The world sighs in relief…

10/9/08 The Large Hadron Collider is started up, despite the possibility that it may create a giant black hole into which all life on Earth may instantaneously vanish.

19/9/08 The Large Hadron Collider breaks down. The earth gets a reprieve.

22/10/08 The title track of Chinese Democracy is played on the radio for the first time. The reaction is massively underwhelming.

22/10/08 High School Musical 3: Senior Year is released. A noted film reviewer notes that “it makes cellophane taste like chicken jalfrezi”.

4/11/08 Barack Obama is voted in as the first black President of the United States. Unless something really weird happens. Like one of those crazy recounts. Or they find the birth certificate that says he was born in Kenya.

– – – Chinese Democracy is out on Nov 23.   And we’re still waiting for the 6th sign of the Apocalypse.  As far as I know.

posted by Gonzo at 4:33 pm  

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

ANOTHER ‘BAIL OUT’

This time for the Big 3 American Car Companies. Her’e a thought fatcat car company ceo dude, MAKE A BETTER PRODUCT! And, although I respect unions tremendously, hello Norma Ray is my hero! They too are to blame a bit in all this. Essembly workers make over 100K a year, really?!! I wanna be in that union! Not to say the workers on the line don’t work hard. Because they do. And because of them, that is the only reason we should bail these fatcats out. So no more Americans lose their jobs. We need to bail em out with many restrictions. No more big fat salaries for ceo’s. And MAKE A BETTER PRODUCT! da! The last time I saw a Chevy was on someone’s porch while evacuating thru Macon GA. It’s engine was on the porch along with it’s bumper and the front seat. In the drive way was a Toyota. I’m just sayin. Maybe we’d buy American if they were even HALF as good as a foreign made car. Who exactly does the Auto Industry help? THE AUTO INDUSTRY! That’s who! So if you want our help, we want your help in making us strong and proud again.

Where’s the Flux Capacitor when you need it……..

(posted by KAT)

posted by Kat at 3:15 pm  

Friday, November 14, 2008

Men with umbrellas are sexy

Especially when they share theirs with me! Walking out of the parking garage this afternoon to come to the house of rock, it was pouring! Me with no umbrella. But big tall dark and hansom dude with nice shoes I might add, asked if he could share his. He walked with me to my building then went in the totally opposite direction to get to his destination. So thanx sexy dude with umbrella. Chivalry does exist! When I got to work, I realized my white tank top was soaking and you could see right thru it. That may have had something to do with him helping me. Or not.

(posted by KAT)

posted by Kat at 3:48 pm  

Friday, November 14, 2008

Where’s Hitchcock When You Need Him?

Have you had the pleasure of strolling Tchoupitoulous – between Canal and Poydras – around dusk lately? What is up with all those freakin’ birds???? The trees, the rooftops, the sky…just covered with them. What exactly are they, and why are they here?!?!?!? Did the swallows get lost on their way to Capistrano, and stop in for a drink while their navigator shops for a new GPS on Canal? The noise is deafening as the little vermin swoop overhead – millions of little flying septic tanks, ready to unload their vile cargo at any moment…Duck!!!!!!!!!! You know, I’m thinking that a guy with a shotgun, four shells, and a case of Stovetop Stuffing could feed the homeless for weeks! What?!?!?!?! Don’t look at me like that!!! Like you’ve never eaten a bird…

posted by Gonzo at 9:44 am  

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Why do boys/men manboys lie??

Can someone please splain me this??? Are males automatically born with the ‘liar’ gene?? Is it because their mother’s spoiled them?? Is it because their dad’s lie?? This is why I believe God is a woman. God doesn’t lie. Even after they are busted point on they still blatantly lie.  It doesn’t matter what they lie about, a lie is a lie. You know what they say, not knowing the truth sucks but KNOWING the truth sucks more. Maybe that is why they lie. I am not saying ALL manboys lie, I am just saying most of the ones I have ever fell in love with lie. It just occured to me, maybe it’s my fault they lie!!! Wow! What a break thru! Thanx. That helped.

posted by Kat at 3:51 pm  

Friday, November 7, 2008

Scapechick

Yup, Sarah Palin is getting blamed for the Republican loss. Like it’s all her fault????!!!???? Although I do not believe in all Sarah believes in, she is a woman who ran for VP who did exactly what her party asked her to do. And I respect that. And now they blame her??? That 150K shopping spree, now it has come out that the Republicans gave her a credit card or some kind of credit to go shopping to get some new clothes for the campaign. As a woman, if you give one of us a credit card with no limit, guess what, we’re gonna SPEND!!! A LOT! Stop with the sour grapes. I do not believe John McCain is blaming Sarah. He is the most gracious man. The Republicans need to unite, and move on. Work together. Make magic happen! The Dems are gonna need their help! I hope John McCain is taking some time off. Chillin big daddy-like. On the beach drinking some fruity drinks relaxing. He deserves it. And Sarah, you spent 150k on clothes, again, I say SO WHAT! You looked good girl!

I also heard there will be a stripper pole in White House after Obama moves in. That’s not wrong is it?

posted by Kat at 2:36 pm  

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Way to ROCK THE VOTE!

If you have any negative thoughts regarding the New President, GET OVER IT AND UNITE! Now is the time to be gracious. Just Like john McCain. What a classy speech! I just wanted to climb thru the tv and give him a big hug. Show the world we stand together and that none of those ‘bad’ countries will ever eff with us again. This was more than putting the 1st African American in the white house, this is truly a movement that we all need to embrace and find common ground. We can do it workforce! Be proud that we live in a country where, when you have a baby, you bring the kid home from the hospital and you goo and gaa over it and you look into that babys eyes and you say-“someday you could be president”. No other country is that a reality. But it is here. No matter who you voted for, tonight when your kids get home, hug them and tell them-YOU COULD BE PRESIDENT SOMEDAY!!!! Love America, love your god, love each other.

(posted by KAT)

posted by Kat at 2:26 pm  

Monday, November 3, 2008

ROCK THE VOTE WORKFORCE!!!

Are you feeling the anticipation??????? Change is a comin’! Either way, no matter who the next President is, it’s gonna be a CHANGE!!! And if your guy doesn’t get in, you must get over it and UNITE! Make sure you VOTE workforce! Polls stay open until 8p Tuesday.  This really is historical. Something we can all share with the kids someday. Both candidates have done an incredible job. Both should be proud. And we need to come together and support whoever wins. I’m talking about the President of the Bayou fyi! And oh yea, make sure you vote for the real deal too!!! If you don’t vote you can’t complain! So get out there and rock the vote!

(posted by KAT)

posted by Kat at 2:31 pm  

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