ADVICE FOR THE SINGLE, THE LONELY, OR THOSE IN BAD RELATIONSHIPS
You need to realize how fabulous you are! You need to really really really love yourself. You can be imperfect, you can be out of shape, two kids, 40 or whatever! It doesn’t mean you aren’t fabulous! AND there WILL be someone else. He might not show up tomorrow or next year or the year after, but he WILL show up. And the sooner you love yourself, know your fabulous and get the life that YOU love, the sooner he will be there for you.
You’re miserable because you allow yourself to remain in situations that keep you miserable.
Its like this: Imagine a woman really out of shape and overweight. She is miserable that she is overweight and hates summer. She knows if she could just drop 50lbs she’d be happy. The problem? Dropping 50 lbs isn’t fun and it takes WORK. Its a LONG process and at times a person thinks…ugh…I can’t do it, its easier to just eat cake. In fact, when she eats cake she feels GOOOOOOOD. THEN she feels aweful because she is back where she started, 50lbs overweight. If she could just push through the temptation, the pain, the cravings and put in the hard work…think how happy she’ll be when she hits her goal weight!!!
This is you. Your man, is chocolate cake. He’s satisfying, but not totally satisfying because indulging in him causes you pain. Leaving him is painful, just like going on a diet. But once you do it for long enough and develop your own sense of self and a life you love, you WILL be happy. Happier than you have ever been. You need to make girlfriends, get some hobbies. You shouldn’t feel alone and lonely when you are not in a relationship. A relationship should add to you, not define you. Envision a great life as a single, sexy 20, 30, or 40-something and GO GET IT. THEN…a man, the RIGHT man, will show up. But guess what?? You won’t be worried about WHEN he shows up. You’ll be so happy and so at peace as a single woman your attitude will change. You’ll be ok single, or ok with the right man.
Just love yourself, love your life and learn to be happy no matter what your circumstance.
Kim
Hi Kim,
I’ve heard a few of the discussions that you’ve had on the show in the past couple of days regarding obesity. While I do believe that it is a major problem in America that should be addressed nationally, I don’t feel that your views are very empathetic at times. In the post above, you draw a direct parallel between a woman in a bad relationship and a woman who eats chocolate cake to the point of obesity. So should the single, lonely, or “hostages” of bad relationships be denied employment, and charged higher insurance premiums for their poor choices? Depression causes many of the same health risks and problems that are associated with obesity. In fact, depression can lead to obesity, and vice-versa.
This is a complex issue, and an important one, but I would suggest that people that do not struggle with obesity try to relate it to something that they do struggle with, i.e. unhealthy relationships or any similar activity that causes physical and/or mental health issues. Some of us have better “metabolisms” for the effects of single living, loneliness, and pursuing bad relationships than others, just like people that have better metabolisms when it comes to eating, and therefore do not gain the same weight / baggage that those with lesser metabolisms do. We could all use a better focus on improving our health issues, but I don’t think that strategies based upon penalization such as higher insurance premiums and denial of employment help as much as they might compound the problems. Being obese, unemployed, and unable to afford insurance premiums is worse for your health and harder to dig yourself out of than just being obese.
i agree with the not being exclusive while simply dating! i wish more agreed with us! i have dated more then one guy and a time and my friends and family acted like it was the worst thing in the world to do and was as bad as cheating. how can you cheat if you are not exclusive in the first place? so frusturating. thanks for your blog, good to see someone else thinks the same.