Current mood: 
hopeful
Category: Romance and Relationships
I’ve been reflecting a lot about relationships. Mainly about marriage and why so many fail. My producer Casey asked me this question today, “At what point is it best to just walk away and call it quits?”.
Personally I’d rather not focus on the quitting part but focus on the selection of a partner. My number one, deal breaking criteria is making sure I am with a partner who is willing to go to therapy. Even if things seem totally fine. If you’re with someone who refuses counseling, you know you are with someone who can’t seek help and may not put forth the effort necessary for a long committed relationship.
In a 40 year marriage, you can guarantee years and years of crap. Times you hate each other. Times you want to walk away. Times when you think “I really don’t like this person”. Maybe those stretches of time last years. Many many years even. But in a 40 year marriage do you really expect ALL of those 40 to be bliss? Think about it, even if 5 years straight totally sucked, 5 years is nothing to 40. Small patch of time. The point is to work through those years knowing good times ARE ahead if both people are willing to work.
Believe me, my partner and I (assuming I ever find someone), will be sitting in therapy before we get married to make sure all the basics are in check, before each child is born to prepare for the changes, when the kids hit their teens cause their all monsters, and when empty nesting begins. At all the major life points, I expect to be doing some maintenance on my marriage. It’s important to not allow yourselves to drift apart. Its important to continue dating one another. It’s important to know that your partner is with you till the end no matter how shitty they sometimes can be. Like parents you can always count on, I want to be there for my spouse through it all. Even if they’re acting like bratty teens who scream and yell and make life miserable. You can’t disown them, you can only ride out the changing tides.
So I guess that is my answer. I don’t think there is a good or right time to call it quits. You fell in love with that person and made the choice to be with them at one point. Just keep making it. Keep working at it. Keep hoping for brighter times.
Tags: Kim's Column, Your Thoughts by Kim
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