Lost

OK….so I am feeling pretty proud of myself for how well I have been dealing with everything. But yet I wonder “am I really dealing with this?”

Sometimes it is hard to tell. The grieving process is so different for each person. I lost my dad in 1994 and as sad as that was, it did not impact me like my husbands death.  Rick was such a unique, eccentric, reclusive, man. He had the greatest sense of humor and wit and I will always miss the way we would banter back and forth. He loved me unconditionally and openly and taught me more than anyone else ever had. An amazing provider Rick was and took great pride in this fact. We were 12 years apart, so we were both year of the monkey and a couple of monkeys we were! It was always a fun crazy ride with him at the wheel. He was my best friend and I feel a better person for knowing someone as smart and innovative as he was.

Jordan and I will eventually carry on in our lives with the strong hurt becoming a dull pain, but the loss will be felt forever. Grief is like a rollercoaster…you think your fine and then bam! you get thrown into another curve….and that again is where my faith comes in.

I thank you for all of your love prayers and kindness. You are the best.

Lola

6 Responses to “Lost”

  1. Jaretta Osborne Says:

    Hi Lola…I understand that roller coaster ride sometimes it can be hell but I just hang on . I lost my sister Jill to cancer and not even a year later i lost my Mother and in between that time I lost my son to mental illness. All three of these wonder people touch my life in such a special way. I am so grateful god gave me the chance to love them. What a wonderful gift that was. Stay strong and know that you are loved. God bless you and your son.

  2. Rhiannon Anderson Says:

    I spent days thinking about you and your situation, It was a very real and very needed momment to hear you on air share with us ur pain as you were breaking into a million peices, As a widow and a mother who has to hold my 9 year daughters hand and heart when she asks why daddys gone and wants a reason for something that there is none, I trully with all my heart understand you will never be the same. However this pain will fade and turn into a gift of meekness and an understanding of life many people will never understand.

    I promise you your not ok ! Just in survival mode but someday you will be so keep trucking ………………

    MUCH LOVE RHIANNON

  3. Barbara Lewis Says:

    Lola, I have listened as this progressed, and was actually listening when you got ‘the’ call that death was near. I lost my husband 2 years ago and can tell you that it is a ‘ride’. We had also buried a son, so I thought I could do anything after that! Wrong!! Coping comes in so many different ways, as you will find out. It truly is a roller coaster and we all choose a ‘different car’ to ride. I chose the last car, so I crammed my time full and when it wasn’t, I ran away to my friends. Other people move on much quicker, so my friends home was busy, happy, and ‘normal’. You will find what works for you and yours! You will get thru this and it will become a beautiful part of your life-you ‘will’ find your smile again!!!! If there is anything I coul do to help you please let me know. If you want to talk my number is 253 332 8047. God bless and allow yourself the time it takes–it is called a process, after all.

  4. Debbie Says:

    Lola,

    First off I am so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling of losing the one you love the most in this world. I lost my husband of over 30 years, almost 6 years ago. Even now I go through times of wishing he was still here. You are so right about the roller coaster ride. We have three grown children and two grandchildren. My husband got to see two of our children graduate from high school. He passed away the year our youngest was a senior. And best of all he did get to watch both our grandchildren be born.
    Although he passed away a month after our grandson was born. Sometimes even with freinds and family around it gets very lonley. I keep busy with my job. And my second job of performing weddings. I have you and your son in my prayers and just wanted you to know you are not alone.

    Debbie

  5. Denise Says:

    Lola,
    I was saddened to hear about your loss. My husband and I lost a baby girl at birth (We had her for 20 minutes) 2 1/2 years ago. The major grief will fade with time. I think about Kimberly every day. Some days are harder than others, especially her birthday (She was born the day after our son’s 2nd birthday), and around Christmas, as that was when my due date was (She was born 4 months early). We have a memory shelf set up and I collect angels (Pics, figurines, etc) we have pictures of her. It is comforting to look at those things and know that she is safe up in Heaven with my Grandparents. Sometimes at night I imagine her with blond curly hair (Our son has blond curls) running around up there chasing butterflies and cuddling with her Great-Grandparents. I know we will see her again, as you will see your beloved husband again.

  6. Rebecca Says:

    Lola,

    WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, TRY A PRAYER..

    I am so sorry for your loss, I am sure with your strength and wonderful joy, you will get through this.

    I am dealing with some issues myself with my husband’s health but we are yet uncertain as to what his diagnosis is.. I am hoping for the best, but am also expecting the worse, after reading your blog, I know that I am strong enough to survive either..

    I wish you and Jordan the best and I know it’s hard not to cry or be reminded everyday that your precious Rick isn’t here, but as u said just a few minutes ago… he will always be there for you both in your hearts, memoires, and photos. And that my friend.. is the best feeling when someone passes, to know they devote all of their time in the afterlife to you.

    Take care and stay cheery, you always seem to brighten up my day!


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