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The “c” word

Im sitting here at my desk..listening to “The Eli Young band” when it rains…”I dont mind being lonely I cry right along with the sky.” You would never know that the one word I hate more than any other…is the word cancer and Im sure by listening to me on the radio you would never know it has bull-dozed my life..I used to wake up in the middle of the night when Rick (my husband) and I were first together and my nightmares were always the same..he would leave me..in my dream and it was so¬†deeply feared that even after being awake for a while I would still cry. That real deep sobbing from the soul. That was my worst fear. And these wouldnt happen one or twice, nope…almost every night. He would try to console me and tell me he would NEVER leave me for anything or anyone..but how could we have known that such a catasrophe was in the works?¬† We didnt. It robs a person of everything and leaves you with…nothing. And just like people who experience tragedy every day you HAVE to rebuild or go crazy…Im trying to rebuild and Im really not sure where to start. Its a horrible horrible disease. If you listen you know I am very upbeat and positive but right now I just have to vent. I hope you understand.

7 Responses to “The “c” word”

  1. Chris E Says:

    Its rough, thats for sure. I watched my mother battle lung cancer in my late teens and early twenties and watching someone you love that much become physically and emotionally broken down over time is devastating to say the least. I wish I had words for you to make you feel better, but the thing to remember is that as you rebuild, you will find more tools to do so as days pass by. The people in your life are just one of those tools. The further along you go, the less bleak things look. You put on a strong face daily when you do your job, Lola and you are to be admired for that. I can tell you have a world of support in the folks you work with at the station and even the audience of strangers who listen to you everyday. God bless you, trucker.

  2. Darren Says:

    Hi Lola,

    My wife has been diagnosed not once but twice for colon cancer.
    We have gone through surgery and chemo and are now on 5 years of being cancer free.
    You truly do find that your priorities change, things that in the past would be life shaking become rather insignificant :)

    I know that I did not have cancer but being the support person to someone you love more than life going through this is a life changing event.

    Cheers

    Darren @ wspir.com

  3. Lindsey Says:

    Lola dear,

    I am so sorry to hear that you and your husband are going through this. It is such a terrible disease. I also have a friend who is battling brain cancer. He has three small children and regularly blogs about what he is going through. It is truly a nightmare and there are really no good ways to look at it, but I will tell you that listening to their story and stories like yours has helped me to love deeper and made me appreciate so much more the moments I do have with my husband, children, friends, and family.

    My thoughts are with you and your family, as I’m sure are so many other listeners’. You are such a joy to listen to, always brightening our day with a laugh or sharing something that makes us think. Thank you for all you do!

    Warmest Regards,
    Lindsey
    Redmond, WA

  4. Suzy Says:

    I can not even tell you how very sorry I am. I lost my fiance this last New Years Eve. Not from cancer but from cirrohsis. (No, not from drinking) We only found out he was ill Dec 14th. All I can say is take one day at a time. And cherish every moment. I still struggle everyday trying to find a way to go on. Please know that we all are here for you. Take care of yourself..
    God Bless you and yours,
    Suzy

  5. Suanne Says:

    I love you Lola and if it really is true that what you put out into the world can come back to you tenfold, then you will soon again feel the comfort, wisdom, love and fun that you share with your listeners everyday.

  6. Mary Says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please know that so many people are thinking about you, praying for you and your family. You are truely an inspiration to many people and we do enjoy being your listeners here in Seattle. Thank you for being you!

    Mary

  7. Carrie Malone Says:

    Lola,

    I cannot believe what I am reading, I am so deeply sorry for your terrible loss. I am so shocked to read this. My deepest sympathy goes to you and Jordon. You have gone through so much and I just want to give you a huge hug!
    I cannot wait to listen to you on the radio…you are back in your nitch with your career and yet you have lost such a big part of your life! I pray that the Lord comforts you in ways you have never experienced before!
    I would love to be updated on your life!!!!
    I put my email in the address part, i would love to catch up with you!
    Your old Sutter St. Neighbor,
    Ryan, Carrie, Zak & little shaymus in the womb!!!! Malone


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